Coping with Ramadan: The Struggles of Widows

During the observance of Ramadan, a month marked by faith, kindness, and community support, widows experience challenges that frequently go unnoticed. For these women, fasting is not just a spiritual obligation; it also tests their resilience, economic endurance, and the societal attitudes towards them.

For many widows, particularly those with children, Ramadan heightens their difficulties. The task of providing meals for iftar and sahoor, paying bills, and fulfilling daily needs becomes increasingly daunting. One widow expressed to our reporter the multitude of challenges she faces.

"Being labeled a widow comes with various struggles. Socially and economically, we face discrimination, especially in northern Nigeria. A woman's status changes after marriage, regardless of whether she has children, and this shapes how people perceive her," she shared.

She further emphasized that the pressures of Ramadan amplify their burdens. "Outside of Ramadan, you can manage somewhat. If you have food, you eat; if not, you endure. But in Ramadan, you must provide food for both iftar and sahoor. Even if you're not eating, your children must be fed," she stated.

The rising cost of living complicates matters. "For a widow without a job or source of income, ensuring that her children are fed becomes a critical challenge. Children can't fast properly without food. The realities are sobering," she added.

Emotional and social struggles also arise following the loss of a spouse. One woman noted that while some men may show interest in marrying a widow, they often reject her children, adding another layer of difficulty to the situation. "A man might desire to be with you alone but refuse to accept your children. That's another serious hurdle," she explained.

Describing her feelings after her husband's passing, she reflected, "With a husband, you have a supporter by your side, but upon his loss, it feels like your worth diminishes. The concern of one relative may be countered by the resentment of another. At times, I feel as if even a dog would have more value than me."

Many widows admitted that their sense of shame often prevents them from seeking help, despite their critical needs. "I hesitate to ask for assistance due to embarrassment. I think if I reach out, I will be met with refusal. Yet, I still need to provide iftar and ensure my children attend school," one widow revealed.

Despite the hardships they face, some widows find solace in their faith. One recounted, "Prayer is my greatest comfort. Daily, I beseech God to choose the best path for me. Only He understands my predicament and what the future holds."

The tension within families and domestic challenges adds to their struggles, particularly when widows return to live with their parents, with misunderstandings often surfacing. Mothers reported that conflicts might emerge due to differing perspectives on living arrangements.

In light of the increasing economic pressures, several widows are advocating for self-sufficiency. They stress the importance of acquiring skills and engaging in businesses to ensure independence. Hussaina Isma’il, a business owner, emphasized that reliance solely on a husband can lead to severe setbacks in unforeseen situations. "Women must awaken from complacency; depending entirely on a husband can prove detrimental," she advised.

Drawing from her own experience, Isma’il highlighted how her mother's entrepreneurial spirit influenced her. Now, she successfully oversees various business ventures that support her entire family, including men employed under her.

Another widow, Aisha Muhammad Datti, shared how her life transformed post- marriage. "I used to be entirely reliant on my husband for financial needs, but now I must allocate my salary for only essentials to sustain myself and my family." Although her parents occasionally support her financially, the burden remains substantial.

Malama Zayyanatu Tahir, mother of a widowed daughter, also discussed the tensions that may arise due to perceived disrespect during family interactions. "Our daughters believe they are equals to us, which leads to frustrations during chores or when advice is given," she laments, highlighting generational disparities.

Despite finding themselves in difficult circumstances, widows have formed associations in various states to alleviate their struggles, especially during Ramadan. Hajiya Maryam Baba, the leader of a widows' group in Jos, shared insights on the varying degrees of hardship experienced by different widows. "Some previously lived comfortably but now must seek assistance; some receive support from their parents, while others have to fend for themselves," she noted.

To address these difficulties, the group endeavours to help widows find work opportunities, such as preparing local dishes or cooking in affluent households during Ramadan, with some being compensated between N30,000 and N40,000 depending on the job's nature.

Addressing perceptions of pride, she stated, "Some widows are too proud to accept work like this. Those who set aside their pride tend to secure jobs and earn money."

From a religious standpoint, renowned Islamic scholar Malama Juwairiya Usman Suleiman discussed the various challenges widows face, noting the categories they fall into. Some are financially independent, while others rely on family support, and others are at risk of moral exploitation in their search for assistance.

She emphasized that widows who are self-sufficient usually encounter less stigma. "A woman without a livelihood often becomes a burden and may be ridiculed over food scarcity," she remarked, denouncing the abuse of widows, particularly during Ramadan, when some men condition support on immoral agreements.

Malama Juwairiya pointed out that the ramifications of such stigmas can lead to emotional trauma and health concerns. "When a woman exits her husband's household, society often wrongfully assumes she is at fault. In contrast, men do not face similar scrutiny when widowed," she commented.

She urged families to treat widowed daughters with compassion and encouraged them to pursue vocational training, asserting, "Self-sufficiency is essential for the dignity of a widow. Parents must fear God and stop viewing their daughters as burdens."

In conclusion, she remarked that widowhood should be perceived as destiny rather than a stigma. As Ramadan progresses, society must consider whether it will heed these pleas for compassion and support for widows confronting their silent struggles.