Disciplinarian or Tyrant?

I vividly recall an anecdote about a man who perceived himself as a strict disciplinarian, yet his family viewed him as an oppressor and dictator. While he thought he was correcting his children for their own good, they experienced him as an ominous figure who oppressed and tormented their lives.

One memorable incident involved the children, several of whom were teenagers, accidentally damaging the television knob in the living room. Infuriated and resolute to impose punishment, this father stormed into the living room, unplugged the television, and locked it away in his bedroom as a consequence for his children's actions.

When this scenario was shared with me, I found it amusing and advised the man to return the television back to its place in the living room. The act of oppressing a household significantly differs from promoting discipline.

This highlights a common mistake many parents make. They often believe they are instilling discipline and life values in their children, while the children perceive their parents as tyrants. Throughout our extensive experience in marriage counseling, countless children have entered our office expressing strong negative feelings towards their parents.

Indeed, many children have described their parents as harsh and merciless, paradoxically, parents frequently remain oblivious to their children's perceptions.

What steps can you take to foster genuine love and respect from your children, even amidst disciplinary actions? The answer lies in the principle imparted by our Lord Jesus: "And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise" (Luke 6:31).

Reflect on how you would have preferred to be disciplined during your own childhood. It's insufficient to merely enforce rules and impose punishments; it's crucial to acknowledge and understand the feelings of the child who is being guided. Love you!

• Bishop Charles Ighele is the General Superintendent of Holy Spirit Mission, Lagos.