Kehinde Ajose: An Open Letter to Nigerian Women Aspiring for More

In a recent television interview, filmmaker and pastor Laju Iren shared a thought-provoking insight that resonated deeply with me. She cautioned women to refrain from defining their lives solely by societal labels or the roles they occupy such as daughter, sister, friend, or mother.

These roles, while undoubtedly significant, should not encompass the entirety of a woman's identity. When these roles evolve or fade away, many women are left asking an unsettling question: Who am I without them?

She raises a pertinent point. In numerous cultures, including ours, women are often conditioned from an early age to consider who they are meant to be for others, instead of being encouraged to discover their own identities. From childhood, expectations begin to form: how to behave, serve, support, and sacrifice.

These societal expectations can be rooted in culture, tradition, and the natural dynamics of family life, and they aren’t inherently negative. However, the risk lies in allowing these expectations to be the sole perspective through which a woman views herself.

Interestingly, women frequently sow the seeds of purpose in those around them.

Dear Nigerian woman, you carry multiple titles throughout your life: daughter, sister, wife, friend, and mother. Each of these roles embodies love, duty, and expectations. There is a certain dignity in these titles, and they often require immense care, sacrifice, and resilience.

Yet beyond these identities, it is essential to recognize that you are not merely the roles you fulfill in the lives of others.

A woman can be likened to an onion, consisting of multiple layers, some of which are visible while others remain hidden. The visible layers include the daughter, sister, wife, and mother, while hidden beneath are parts of her identity encompassing the dreamer, thinker, creator, and the woman still on her path to self-discovery.

Society mistakenly tends to stop at these surface layers, concluding that what is most observable is all that exists. Yet, a woman's identity, akin to the layers of an onion, runs much deeper than any prescribed roles.

A woman is inherently a dreamer, a builder, a thinker, and a creator.

For years, many women have been raised with the notion that fulfillment is found solely in serving others. Society often lauds the woman who sacrifices tirelessly, holding everything together while quietly bearing the weight of family and community responsibilities.

While this selflessness is commendable, aligning a woman’s entire identity solely with these roles poses significant risks.

Life is ever-changing.

As children grow and leave home, careers shift, and friendships evolve, some women may find themselves feeling as if their identity’s foundation is destabilized. It is crucial for identity to evolve beyond mere titles.

Your worth was never intended to be exclusively defined by how you cater to others.

You are permitted to dream dreams that are uniquely yours, emerging from that quiet inner space where your purpose resides. These dreams may softly whisper long before they are voiced.

Perhaps you aspire to tell stories, launch a business, lead, innovate, or create something impactful. Perhaps you simply wish to evolve into a more complete version of yourself.

Whatever your aspirations, they deserve the freedom to flourish and the opportunity to take flight.

Being a wife doesn’t negate your individuality. Being a mother doesn’t suppress your voice. Being a daughter or sister doesn’t mean your ambitions need to diminish.

You have the capacity to embrace multiple identities. You can nurture others while simultaneously cultivating your own talents. You can build a home and also establish a legacy. You can offer love while pursuing your own purpose.

Across Nigeria, many women are rediscovering facets of themselves that had been buried beneath layers of expectation. They are returning to education, starting businesses, weaving narratives, nurturing communities, and initiating dialogues in spaces that previously felt inaccessible.

They are not dismissing their roles; they are merely choosing not to be confined by them. Stories often illuminate these possibilities.